Into The Unknown

This is the name of a Disney song, right? Have you ever seen Frozen 2? Ha!

I wouldn’t have thought I would title a blog post with the name of a Disney song, but here I am. I couldn’t think of a better way to title my life right now. The unknown.. it sounds so mystical.

The beginning of school is starting to sneak up. This was “supposed” to be my last week at home with Judah, but now the reality is setting in that I get to stay. It’s such a strange feeling when conflicting emotions coexist, and I’m sure I’ve elaborated on that before. There have been many moments in my life where I’ve had to process through conflicting emotions cohabitating inside of me.

I have worked since I was 16, and I never really envisioned a life where I wouldn’t wake up in the morning and drive myself to a job. It seems like we live in a society that almost knocks the job of a stay at home parent. I really feel like my internal drive to go and do instead creates an internal struggle when I try to just be. Throughout my pregnancy, I kept reiterating that all I wanted was to be a stay at home mom. I would pray constantly for the Lord to make a way for me to not have to part with my baby to go back to work. Even the one week I was at work at the end of the school year following my maternity leave was grueling. Being away from Judah was honestly the worst feeling for me.

When I would pray for a way that I could stay at home, I honestly didn’t envision that the Lord would tell us to go fulfill His calling on our lives right now. I guess the beauty in all of this is that we get to fulfill our God dream for our family, AND I get to stay at home with my baby at the same time. It’s not an either or; I get to have both!

I feel so blessed to get to be here with Judah and watch him grow in real life and not through pictures and videos from someone else. However, I also feel sad that I won’t get to welcome 15+ sweet kiddos into my classroom. The hustle and bustle of a new school year is exhausting, but it is also so exciting. Getting the opportunity to be the first stop in a child’s education journey is truly a special experience. Teaching a child to read and express/process emotion are really amazing things to do.

I’m not here to say that staying at home is an easy thing. I’m only 4 months in, and there are some truly hard days! There are also really beautiful days and moments, though. And the beautiful definitely outweighs the hard!

One of my greatest fears I have had when taking the leap to stay at home has been that I wouldn’t feel purposeful. It honestly sounds kind of silly now that I say that out loud. What greater purpose could there be than raising your children? For me, that is my highest calling- to first be a daughter of God and then to be a wife and mom.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t want to paint a picture that staying home won’t require sacrifice. We are having to drastically change our lives in order for me to be able to do this. Nathan always says, “choose your hard.” Both going to work and staying home come with “hard.” It’s been up to us to decide which hard I would choose to experience.

In all of these scrambled thoughts and feelings, I want you to know that God’s grace is sufficient.When you trust Him, you will find perfect peace. Your situation may not look promising or there might not feel like a way to win, but I promise that you can find peace when you just choose to trust. We honestly don’t have a lot of advice on how we will make it on one salary, but we know we will. We have seen the faithfulness of God so much in our marriage, and I know we will continue to see the unexplainable, providing, and loving heart of our Father through this transition. One of my favorite quotes says, “When you can’t see His hand, trust His heart.” Take a step, trust, and then repeat over and over. Whatever transition you are facing, know that God is in control. All you have to do is trust Him!

I am praying for you always. There is abounding joy, peace, and grace for you in this new season!