The Good, Bad, and Ugly

“Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed; for His compassion never fails. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.” - Lamentations 3:22-23

July 1st will make my one month mark here in El Salvador. It has been an incredible journey so far, and there’s still so much more to come. As of today, I have officially co-lead/served my first team- North Texas! We ventured to a place called San Miguel; it was a beautiful place with even more beautiful people! While it was an amazing week, there were still things that confused me and made me doubt. One thing is certain: the impact is the same. To be completely honest, I struggled and wrestled with the fact that I suddenly wasn’t able to solely sit and play with the kids; I had responsibilities and people who were depending on me to fulfill those responsibilities. I remember, on the first day of ministry, thinking that being an intern wasn’t the job for me. I would become discouraged at the thought that my role in missions had changed into something so different from what I had experienced in the past. There were times when I felt unqualified to do the job that the Lord called me to do this summer; I began to think that I didn’t have what it takes to be an intern. I would compare myself to the other interns around me, and look down on myself. I had to come to terms with myself that there will be times in my life where I will fail. We are humans, so failing is unavoidable. Anytime I would make a mistake, I would be so hard on myself which made me feel even more unqualified. One of the worst feelings in the world (to me, anyway) is feeling like I’ve disappointed someone. This was especially hard for me to cope with because I felt that in order to be a “good intern,” I needed to do everything perfectly. Disclaimer: perfection is impossible for us. Through everything I struggled with at the beginning of my week, the Lord proved Himself faithful to me. He reminded me that I serve my team so that they can serve the people of El Salvador, which means that I am also getting to serve the people of El Salvador. My time with missions this summer isn’t being spent doing all of the dramas, dances, or playing with all of the toys, but it’s still impactful. Carrying around a boutiquin (basically a big first aid kit), the Jesus and clown costumes, the spectacle toys, water jugs, and forcing our team to drink gallons of water to avoid dehydration all hold the same importance as playing with the kids, being involved in the dramas and dances, and building relationships with the kids.

Ministry is ministry. Sometimes, in the moment, it’s hard to see the impact you’re having. I have learned that I see most of the fruit after it’s over. Sitting here on my rest day, I am able to clearly see that there was an impact made. My team was able to avoid sickness (minus a couple of minor dehydration incidences), an immense amount of souls were added to the Kingdom of God, and I got to do it with the team that I know and love. Despite the roller coaster of emotions I experienced and the spiritual battles I fought, the Lord has revealed so much to me. I am thankful to be on this journey and live the life that He has called me to. Through the good, bad, and ugly, God is still constant. He is faithful to pursue me when I am at my lowest and is always supporting me when I’m at my highest. There have been so many moments this week when I was holding a child, dancing in the street, or building relationships with my team where I have said, “I just want to do this for the rest of my life.”

I am so in love with this life of mine, and I know that it will only get sweeter. If you are in a season where you feel discouraged or unqualified, remember that you are not fighting alone; you have the Creator of the universe and your community right beside you in battle. Thank you for reading! Dios te bendiga God bless you