He Knows Me

"It's extravagant; it doesn't make sense

We'll never comprehend the way You love us.

It's unthinkable, only Heaven knows,

just how far You'd go to say You love us."

This is a quote from my new favorite song at the moment ("Extravagant" by Steffany Gretzinger and Amanda Cook). The Webster Dictionary definition of the word extravagant is defined as "more than is usual, necessary, or proper." As I listened to this song for the first time today, I had chills running all up and down my body; my spirit was so moved by these words.

Think about it: Jesus goes above and beyond to prove His love to us, when we should be the ones doing that for Him. He died for us, and yet He's the one who is constantly taking those extra steps to show us just how madly in love with us He is. I hope that squeezes your heart the way it's doing to me right in this very moment.

I have briefly discussed my struggle with insecurity, but tonight I want to be completely transparent. I was a prisoner to insecurity for most of my life up to this point. It was a constant battle against the enemy, and he was always on the winning side. He told me I wasn't good enough at anything I did. If you know me, you know that I have a special connection to kids; working with them is honestly my favorite thing to do. While I knew that I had this God-given gift, I faced a darkness that not very many knew about. The devil would put thoughts in my mind to the point where the last thing I wanted to do was walk into Children's Church and be a worker. I believed that I wasn't good enough.

He also told me I wasn't pretty enough. I know for a fact that there are many other people, especially girls, who have struggled and continue to struggle with this very same thing. I would look in the mirror and see a girl, who wasn't good looking enough to amount to anything, staring back at me. I would put on makeup to try and make myself look more pleasing to the eye. I would wear super baggy clothes so it would hide my body that I was all of a sudden ashamed of. I believed that I wasn't pretty enough.

The enemy told me that I wasn't talented enough. Again, if you know me, then you know that playing sports has always been a part of my life ever since I was able to walk. I can remember walking off the court after a basketball game and feeling so untalented, useless, and definitely not needed. Pain to me was investing everything I had into a sport, and then never feeling like I was even needed. I believed that I wasn't talented enough.

These were all factors that stemmed off of the insecurity I held within myself. I would try to just brush it off, and pretend like I was fine. Truth was, I was not "fine." In fact, I was far from it. I had gotten so used to feeling insecure that I forgot what it felt like to not be insecure. Throughout this pain, it never occurred to me that these were all lies. I honestly thought that everything I was feeling about myself was true. As of now, this was definitely the lowest valley I have ever been in. I know you're probably thinking that this is going to be a depressing blog, but there is more so stay with me!

Eventually, I got to the point where I was so sick of feeling like I couldn't amount to anything, so I made a change. I started to diligently pursue Christ. I honestly couldn't even tell you the countless nights that I had my face on the floor of my room just crying out to Him. I still remember the night when this insecurity was broken off of my life. I was in youth one Sunday night and my Youth Pastor had preached about things holding us back from reaching our full potential in Christ. It was that night that I felt Jesus so near to me; I have never been the same since then. I began to see myself the way that He sees me: beautiful, talented, smart, funny, and a child of Him.

It baffles my mind to think of how well my Savior knows me. He knows every single, little detail about my life; funny thing is, He does because He WANTS to, not because He has to. He is so concerned with your life. He goes the extra mile to know you; I love that.

Friends, don’t ever let the enemy lie to you and tell you that you aren’t good enough; don't let him steal your joy. We aren’t perfect, but we are loved by a completely perfect Savior who knows every single thing about us and loves us anyway. The way He loves is truly extravagant, unthinkable, and not able to be comprehended. Rest in that peace tonight. Every time you look in the mirror, clock in at your job, or step on that court, rebuke the lies in the name of Jesus and be confident in who you are in Him.